Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ann's addendum

Since finishing my book page report blog, I printed out page 220 and left it lying on my dining table to allow for further digestion.
I’d like to add more to my Book Page Report comment that
“ we too, are not expecting all these qualities all at once, in all our villagers or village-wannabes.”
Diana has this daunting list of suitable qualities for successful villagers…
1.    Someone who doesn’t ‘need’ it.
2.    Someone with a healthy sense of self
It’s a useful list for us to aim for,  but an impossible list for any of us to truly achieve.   
And within in the paragraphs that follow each one on the list, Diana expresses a realistic and compassionate attitude of optimism… For example
Diana writes about #4
4.    Someone with a sense of connection to people and an interest in the well-being of others. 
Obviously, a socially confident person who likes people, will enjoy community, but people who are shy or natural loners can have difficulty at first.  They can be insensitive to other peoples’ needs and have no idea what’s expected of them.  But with enough ‘high willingness’, such people can use community as a learning opportunity and become fully contributing members. 
I can relate to many parts of this.  I have always had a high need to feel connected and supportive of the wellbeing of others.  In some ways, I’m socially skilled, and yet in others that I’m not aware of, I can still create disconnection when that’s not my intent at all.
I’m a not-shy introvert with very apparent needs for alone time.  I’ve become ‘famous’ for leaving any party, at 9pm without saying goodbye – regardless of how good a time I’m having. If I had the social energy to go around to folks and say farewell, seeking out the host as well, I would do that.   And that’s still me being insensitive to the host’s needs for appreciation and closure.  Imagine if everyone just walked out of a party when they were done!!  Gives me horrors to contemplate. 
I’m telling you my story in this book page report, because I want to you to have a glimpse into one aspect of the rock-polisher effect.  I can certainly tell you more of the ‘yikes’ part, but there is gentle learning too… with plenty of polish.
How lovely it is to live here and be oneself!  Or at least to be on the way to that true self.  There’s great wonder in the feeling of smoothness as I slide happily out of a party when I need to, knowing that my friends accept me for my oddity. The perfection of being imperfect.   Ahhhhhh!  
It's going to be a different book report when I tell you about the insights about introversion I've gained from reading 'Quiet" by Susan Cain.  (A snippet of that Niblet is  --- I asked around this village.  Two-thirds of us here are introverts, when it's the reverse in the non-cohousing world. Interesting, eh?)  
And another Nutshell Niblet about the rougher 'yikes' parts of ' rock-polishing' is on the way, too.
Please prompt me, if you want to, with a topic you'd like to read about.   It might be me who replies... or someone else.   We're flexible that way!  :>) 

1 comment:

  1. Awsum to see you folks doing what I have dreamt about for the last few years. Good luck with your venture. Will come out and to see your "village" and to say hello at some point.
    Anthony Davies